Title: Fools' Ebony, Part the Threeth
Author: Frincheps
IsNaughty: True
Price: 317
IsUnique: False
WhenVarSet: 
Content:


[/font=2]

[/center]Fools' Ebony,

[/center]Part the

[/center]Threeth



[/font=4]



[/center]

 Dramatis Personae

 Prologue The Adventurer, A Dark Elf Rascal Komon, A Priest
of Akatosh Lheban, Another Priest of Akatosh Epilogue Stete, A
Priest of Julianos Raic, Another Priest of Julianos Shub, A
Mage Shub, A Different Mage of the Same Name Nephron, A
Somewhat Sleazy Merchant 5 Armorers Ortho Crunn, Husband of
Millie A Lusty Contessa Millie, Innkeep and Philosopher
Gurnsey, Bovine Wench Assorted Wenches and Cads of the
Taverns Soldiers Dwarves Giants



 Part The Threeth - In The Mages' Guild, One                    to
Three Days Later

 (Enter Prologue)

 Prologue:   We are now at the halfway point of             of
our disjointed epic. If you are


    just arriving, you have missed


    little. The Adventurer, our rogue


    Dark Elf, has joined with a


    quadripartite (that's a triumvirate


    plus one) of priests intent on


    discovering a burning metal called


    Fools' Ebony and becoming wealthy.


    The priests have given our hero


    some gold for bribing merchants,


    but the only people who know where


    the Fools' Ebony is are the mages


    of the Mages' Guild. As the Epilogue


    pointed out at the end of Part the


    Twoth, there is no such thing as


    Fools' Ebony and real Ebony is not


    mined. Something our playwrite


    apparently did not research. Well,


    accept it as high fantasy, if you


    will. Or whatever. Hark, here


    comes our hero now. Imagine the


    miasma (if that's the word I want)


    of magical elixirs, bubbling


    cauldrons, hovering balls of


    sparkling whatnot. And now, the


    Prologue must depart.

 (Enter the Adventurer and Shub)

 Adventurer: Ho! Anyone around?

 Shub:       Over here, young man, in the             corner ...      
 Adventurer: Morning. Do I call you ...             Shub ..?      
Shub:       Oh yes, Shub is my name, Shub it             is ... How
on Tamriel did you


    know?

 Adventurer: Can we have some ... privacy ...             I have
a somewhat ... er ...                   delicate matter to discuss
..?

 Shub:       No need for privacy here! We Mages do             not
hide anything!

 Adventurer: Fools' Ebony?

 Shub:       Quick through this door ..!             Turn right ...


    Turn left ...             Ah ... just let me throw a
privacy


    spell around us ...

 (Loud zap sounds) (Enter Shub)

             Good! Now Sir -- Oh, by the way, meet


    my fellow Mage, Shub.

 Shub:       Mmmm.

 Shub:       Now, you mentioned Fools' Ebony ..?

 Adventurer: Well, I fancy myself a bit of an            
expert in ebony. Had quite a bit come


    and go through my hands in my time, I             have ...

 Shub:       We notice that you have an ebony             amulet,
and an ebony katana -- Of


    Lightning, no less!  And an ebony


    belt ...


    ...mmmm...

 Adventurer: Hands off the toys, gentlemen,             please!

 Shub:       Forgive us -- but we so appreciate             such
fine items ...

 Shub:       ... collect them too ...

 Adventurer: Well, the other day, just by chance             of
course, I just happened to hear


    two priests of the Temple of ... er


    ... Stendarr, I think it was ...  They


    were a bit high in their cups, I


    think, a bit loud, and never noticed


    me skulking -- I mean, standing --


    there. They were going on about this


    Fools' Ebony - stuff like the real             thing, only
no magicka at all. None.             But it burns like wood,
only longer,


    hotter, no smoke, nice even heat.

 Shub:       Yes ... we have heard similar rumors.             Seen
a bit of that stuff -- lumps


    from a sack or two that some crazed             delver
dragged up, that kind of thing.


    Right, Shub?

 Shub:       Oh - Oh yes, right, that kind of             thing ...
right ...


    (aside)


    I must remember to keep the secret,


    whatever it is.

 Adventurer: Well, these fool priests seemed to             talk
as if they knew a location for             lots, I mean piles,
of that stuff --


    somewhere up in the Wrothgarians ...

 Shub and Shub (Together): Where! Who!  Did they say? How?
When?             Where?   Shub:       You didn't let them know you
were             listening, did you?

 Adventurer: Of course not! What do you take me for,            
a priest lover?

 Shub:       Calm yourself, my lord ... that's            
better...just don't go fiddling with


    that katana so much. Makes us nervous.

 Shub:       Yes, nervous, very ...

 Shub:       Here, sit down.               There. Want some mulled
wine?               No? Oh well, just have to finish it


    myself.

 Shub:       So they seemed to know the location.            
(aside)             Hmmmm. This means we have to act fast,


    quickly, speedily, and with great


    rapidity.

 Adventurer: Oh yes! They were talking like they             were
going to get a load in a few


    weeks or so ...

 Shub:       Oh My! Oh Dear Me! Ohhh...

 Shub:       Now then. Seems you know a fair amount            
about this Fools' Ebony.  And you


    realize the potential -- just think,


    big warm fires in all our study rooms ...

 Shub and Shub (Together): ... Selling it to the Palace...
selling             it to those stupid Alchemists ... the


    Armorer's Guild would be good for a lot ...             
... keep out familiars nice and warm ...             ... and our
posteriors ..! ... just think


    how Daedra Seducers love a nice warm


    fire ... Giving smoldering lumps to the


    peasants to warm their hovels with -- in


    return for some gold, of course ... 

 Shub:       ...just think of all that gold...

 Shub:       Trouble is, son - we would like to get that            
stuff by the cartload, bring it down here ...

 Shub:       Have some trustworthy merchant ... 

 Shub:       Put a spell on him!

 Shub:       ... Have some merchant act as sort of,            
middleman, for us ...


     Adventurer: But ... then why the delay, gentlemen?  
Shub:       You seem like an honest fellow.  We'll            
tell you -- mind you, you let out a word


    of this, and there will be a Fire Daedra


    in your bed ... but no threats between


    gentlemen, right!

 Adventurer: Very well -- I shall be the very soul             of
discretion.

 Shub:       You see, we know where the stuff it,            
cartloads and cartloads of it.  But we


    can't get there and back ...

 Shub:       We are not the outdoorsy types.

 Shub:       Far safer here in town.

 Shub:       Much warmer too.

 Shub:       Think of all the supplies we would             have to
take.

 Shub:       All those nasty things out there.

 Shub:       Did you know that seducers won't come             to us
in the wilderness?

 Shub:       We'd have to hire guards, to keep             those
awful priests away.

 Shub:       And the strain of dealing with all             those
coarse types ... the


    Merchants.

 Shub:       The Armorers.

 Shub:       The Royals.

 Adventurer: Mmm. I think I comprehend.  You want            
some -- experienced explorer-hero type,


    someone used to the wilderness -- to go             get it
for you, set up a supply line,


    so on ..?

 Shub:       Exactly. And find us a nice, useable            
merchant.  Someone we can control. 

 Shub:       With a big, big warehouse, delivery            
service, that kind of thing ...

 Adventurer: Well, gentlemen. Let me volunteer my            
services! I have always admired you Mage


    gentlemen -- so clever, so sharp. No


    fooling you in anything, is there?

 Shub:       No, no fooling us ...

 (Enter Prologue)

 Prologue:   This, ladies and gentlemen, is irony.

 (Exit Prologue)         Adventurer: Tell you what, I can
probably arrange             a suitable merchant or you. Take
some


    gold though -- those thieves know the             value of a
gold piece! As luck would


    have it, my last gold was swindled off             me by a
thieving priest, in some


    little town south of here. And I lost


    a lot of good stuff in a shipwreck


    just before that ...

 Shub:       Well ... since you have agreed to             help us
... we can spare some gold


    from the treasury, can't we, Shub?

 Shub:       Oh! Oh yes, lots there ... always             make more
...

 Adventurer: Now, I do need to know roughly where             this
site is, got to pick the right


    breed of horse, calculate my supplies


    to the last drop, figure out what


    weapons I might need ... supplies,


    like food, little things like that


    ... diameter of the cart wheels in


    square yurts ... ambush points for


    the priests, in case they try to get


    up there ... mmmmm ...

 Shub:       Tell you what - here is 500 gold. Go             get
things started.

 Shub:       Yes ... we can always make some more.

 Shub:       (aside, to Shub)             Shut up!

 (Shub fires a spell at Shub that burns him to a cinder and
then reconstitutes him)

             (to all)             Excuse us ... where was I ... Oh ... 
           get a merchant, guards, carts, whatever


    you think it will take. Come back if


    you need more.

 Shub:       But what about those priests?

 Adventurer: I've an idea or two there. Let me             get
friendly with them - maybe hire             a couple of good
lamppost girls, lay             in a few cases of holy wine ...
I'll             have them eating out of my hand in             no
time. And if you show me where             this Fools' Ebony is
... why, I can             misdirect them, send them straight


    into an trolls' den or something.

 Shub:       You're the expert!  Here, let me show             you on
a map ... and I don't need to


    mention Fire Daedras, do I?

 Adventurer: So ... seems to be ... hmmmm ... only            
thirty days there, this time of year.             Maybe forty
back, with the loads. Let


    me study this a bit more ...

 Shub:       Can't take it with you, of course ...             don't
want this getting out now ...

 Adventurer: Oh no. That's fine.  Look, let me             have a
bit more gold. Going to need


    some heavy-duty carts. See here, this             section
... cut by all these washes


    ... hmmmm ... the flummox there will


    be something terrible ... Oh, and             these ruins,
full of ghosts, I bet


    ... hmmmm ... and this pass, just full


    of willies too ...

 Shub:       If you say so ... My, seems that we             picked
the right man, right, Shub!

 Shub:       Oh yes, indeed.

 Adventurer: So -- why don't I make arrangements,             get
back to you in ... er ... say a


    week?             Say -- sure that you don't want to


    come with me. After all, there's


    nothing like the wilderness life.


    Waking up with the sun, shaking off


    the frost. Catching an orc for              breakfast - ever
have orc guts


    fried over stinkwood? Oh, that's a


    treat! Checking each stream for


    dead giant spiders - or live ones!


    Imp jerky for lunch! Scanning the


    ridges for dragonlings! Standing


    guard against Ice Daedra in a


    blinding snowstorm! Oh, what a life!

 Shub and Shub (Together): No, no ... we, we better stay here  
          at the Guild. Got our duties after


    all ... someones got to mind the


    store ... someones got to get the


    word out to selected customers ...             No, thank
you kind Sir, it does


    sound such a lovely life, but I


    think we best be here ... yes,


    indeed ...

 Adventurer: A pity, gentlemen. Well, I'll be            
about it then. And don't worry if


    you see me with those priests --


    got to mislead and misdirect them,


    haven't I!

 Shub:       One week, then!

 (Exeunt Shub, the Adventurer, and Shub) (Enter Epilogue)

 Epilogue:   Shub and Shub, ladies and gentlemen.            
Implausibly retarded mages, yes, but  
    perhaps there's
something more to


    them than this act suggests. Do you


    think so, maybe? Well, if you are


    not in the theater for Part the


    Fourth, you won't know for certain,


    will you? Don't forget to tip your


    wenches and think on that while we


    change the set.

 So Endeth Part the Three

 
