Title: Fools' Ebony, Part the Twoth
Author: Frincheps
IsNaughty: True
Price: 317
IsUnique: False
WhenVarSet: 
Content:


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[/center]Fools' Ebony

[/center]Part the

[/center]Twoth



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[/center] Dramatis Personae

 Prologue The Adventurer, A Dark Elf Rascal Komon, A Priest
of Akatosh Lheban, Another Priest of Akatosh Epilogue Stete, A
Priest of Julianos Raic, Another Priest of Julianos Shub, A
Mage Shub, A Different Mage of the Same Name Nephron, A
Somewhat Sleazy Merchant 5 Armorers Ortho Crunn, Husband of
Millie A Lusty Contessa Millie, Innkeep and Philosopher
Gurnsey, Bovine Wench Assorted Wenches and Cads of the Taverns Soldiers Dwarves Giants





 Part The Twoth - Bearing Mostly on Fools'                  Ebony
and Temples

 Same place, same Inn, A bottle or two later. Enter
Prologue, the Adventurer, and Lheben

 Prologue:   Little has occured so far in our             comedic
drama. The Adventurer, our


    Dark Elf rascal, has bought drinks


    for two priests of Akatosh. All


    have drunk considerably. One of


    the priests has rushed off in


    pursuit of his lamp girl. And,


    unless I've forgotten something or


    something happened when I was


    paying attention to something else,


    that's a complete synopsis of Part


    the Oneth. Ah, here come two more


    priests. Humble Prologue must


    depart.

 (Enter Raic and Stete)

 Raic:       Evening Lheban! Evening stranger. My            
fellow priest here is Stete, I am Raic.


    We are honored to serve Julianos.

 Adventurer: What is this, anyway - Priests night             out?
And ... I thought that your


    Temples - Akatosh, Julianos, the rest


    ... I thought them all cut-throat


    competitors. In theology and gold, if


    you will forgive my bluntness. Yet you


    all seem the best of friends ..?              Come to think
of it, didn't I have


    words with Stete earlier, you said


    you were of the Temple of Stendarr?

 Raic:       A common misconception, friend ...

 Lheban:     ... but one that we ... encourage ...

 Raic:       Really, we all work together closely,            
move between the Temples as needs


    dictate ...

 Lheban:     ... exchange information ... Raic:       ... share
funds ... Stete:      ... swap our sisters ...

 (Lheben kicks Stete) (Enter Prologue)

 Prologue:   Sorry to interrupt the merry slapstick,            
but I neglected to mention earlier that


    the Fools' Gold saga -- if that is the


    word -- contains gratuitous reference


    to priestly misdeeds and sexual excess.


    I hope those of you in the audience of


    peevish, prudish, sullen, frumpy, or


    grumpy demeanors are not offended. Now


    then, on with the entertainment.

 (Exit Prologue)

 Lheban:     ... and all that ...

 Raic:       But it helps in our ... holy work, if             we
are perceived as separate and, uh,


    competitive...

 Lheban:     Mind you, there are one or two, er ...            
religious organizations ... well, sort


    of ... that we do not have anything to


    do with ...

 Raic:       Nothing at all, nothing at all ...            
animals, just animals ...

 Adventurer: Such as ..?

 Lheban:     Weeell -- the Dark Brotherhood for one             ...
nasty bunch of thugs ... and then


    there's the Afterdark Society ...             (aside to
Raic)


    This fellow, seems a decent sort of             chap ...
seems to know something about             Mages and Fools'
Ebony ...

 Raic:       (aside to Lheban)             Really now ... how
interesting...


    (to all)             Hey fellow, have another bottle --


    this will bless you throat. My, my, yes


    indeed it will...

 Adventurer: Thanks Raic, don't mind a bit ...

 Lheban:     But let me continue -- I was explaining            
about this Fools' Ebony to you ...

 Raic:       Yes, Fools' Ebony ...

 Lheban:     Well. Fools' Ebony now. Well, you know            
about ordinary Ebony, how it's rare,


    only some dwarven clans dig it and sell


    it. And not too many, these days and


    times ... 

 Stete:      How's that popular song go ..?             (singing)


    Where have all the Old Dwarves gone,


    Long time ago ...

 (Lheben throws Innkeep at Stete) (Raic breaks chair on Innkeep
and Stete) (Innkeep loses consciousness)

 Lheban:     There's a pile of real ebony up in the            
Wrothgarians somewhere north, I hear


    tell. You know how that dullish black


    ebony gets worked over by Mages, by


    some skilled armorers, made into all


    kinds of potent weapons, amulets,


    belts, what have you. All fetch a huge


    price, when you can find any. And how


    the best was made long ago, by those


    old dwarves ...

 (Stete rises to his feet) (Lheban kicks Stete back down) (The Adventurer loosens
his tunic)

 Lheban:     Oh my! Oh, my apologies, friend, Sir!             I
see you have -- what's that? An


    ebony torc? Oh my, and an ebony katana!


    Oh My! Oh My, My! So, of course, you


    know all that, sir.

 Adventurer: Oh, that's all right, you didn't know.            
Here, have another bottle ...

 Lheban:     Many thanks, kind Sir.  Well, then you             know
how every adventurer, even snotty


    kids, all the dungeon-delvers, are


    always looking for ebony artifacts,


    weapons, whatnot.             But what you may not know,
some of the


    more experienced delvers hunt for raw


    ebony lodes, piles, dwarven leavings.             That
stuff, the raw ebony, is far more


    valuable.    Adventurer: The raw unshaped material that
provides             work ... and power ... for so few?


    Apparently just loaded with negative


    magicka?

 Raic:       Right, right! 

 Lheban:     Yes, right so! Quite so! Well, Fools'            
Ebony now. Looks just about like the


    real raw stuff. Runs in veins in the


    deep rocks.  Feels the same, smells


    almost the same.  But the big


    difference: it's not real ebony. No


    power at all. If you pick some up, it


    gets you hands a bit dirty. Softer


    too, by all accounts. But sort of


    shiny too. But who can tell all that,


    deep in some old mine, maybe a ghoul


    breathing down your neck! So it's just


    grab and run, I guess, down in those


    nasty holes. So the fools, the kids,


    the crazy delvers, are always hauling             up a
bag, a sack, of Fools' Ebony.


    And getting laughed at by the merchants,


    dealers, mages, us ... hence the Fools'             part.
Stuff just gets thrown into the


    Bay ...

 Adventurer: Yeah, that's sort of what I ... er             ...
heard from some Mages. But I


    heard something else, too ...

 Lheban:     And just what was that, friend ... if             you
want to tell us, of course ... Sir.

 Adventurer: Oh, of course! I think that we can come            
to ... er ... an arrangement?   Lheban and Raic (Together): Certainly, Oh Yes!

 Adventurer: So, yeah, so these mages -- Shub and Shub,           
 they are always called Shub, aren't they?


    -- anyway, these old guys were saying how


    this Fools' Ebony can burn. Not magically,


    but like an ordinary piece of wood. But


    the flame lasts far longer, gives off


    lots more heat, makes no smoke to speak


    of, no noise ... very interesting ...


    Mages were saying as how the alchemists


    want it, to heat the retorts and flasks


    ... How the Mages Guild wants it, to make


    and sell ... er ... fake amulets and the


    like ... rotten trick that! And especially


    the Armorers, they want it bad, for their


    forges, I guess. And the Alchemists, for


    their alembics ...

 Lheban:     Precisely my information! Now... gets cold        
    up here in the winter, doesn't it?  And


    everyone is cutting down all those trees,            
making siege engines, boats, all that evil


    war machinery! All those rich royals and


    merchants got to heat their great big piles


    of homes. So their Contessas can run around


    in next to nothing, instead of furs...

 Stete:      ... just like my sister ...

 (Lheben bites Stete's arm) (Stete shreiks and falls
unconscious)

 Adventurer: All those armorers got to keep their            
hearths and furnaces running...

 Lheban:     ... All the Mages got to keep their            
familiars warm ...

 Raic:       ... All those royals got to keep the            
contessas running ...

 Lheban:     ... All those peasants got to keep their            
animals warm ...

 Adventurer: And To Sheogorath with the wife and kids,            
right? Ha! And, I guess, its sort of hard


    for you Priests to give blessings and


    cures, when your fingers are all cold and


    stiff ..? Makes getting corks out a tad


    hard, to say nothing of opening those


    little twists of parchment ..?

 Raic:       You speak truly, indeed!

 Lheban:     A man of wisdom, indeed! Yes!

 Adventurer: So, where do we find this Fools' Ebony             --
in quantity?

 Lheban:     You put your finger (you have six, I note            
-- oh, excuse me, Sir) on the crux of the


    matter. I have heard rumors, just rumors,


    mind you, that there are huge enormous


    veins of this stuff, at one place on the


    surface, far up in the Wrothgarians.              Bad, bad
place to go. But, if you can get


    there and back, cartloads of the stuff!

 Adventurer: Thats just what I overheard from those            
Mages -- far up there in the Wrothgarians


    -- orcs, dragonlings, daedra, Sheogorath


    only knows what ... Those Mages seemed to


    know the spot, though.  Mages wanted


    someone to ...

 Raic:       You didn't ... talk ... to the Mages. I            
mean, you haven't ...

 Adventurer: Oh no. They didn't even know I was             there
...


    (aside)             Not yet, anyway...

 Lheban:     Good, good - can't trust those Mages,             you
know ... old fossils would turn


    their own mothers into sludge-toads, just


    for a bit of gold! Gold-mad, power-mad,


    Mad-mad, the whole rotten lot of them!


    But then they don't have mothers! 

 Raic:       Excellent. Seems to me, friend -- or, can            
we call you partner?               Yes? Excellent. Seems to
me, partner,


    that my brother priests and you should


    do some digging and poking around -- see


    if we can get to those veins, those


    deposits, eh!

 Adventurer: Yes indeed, partners! But it would cost           
 a fair pile of gold to get up there --


    weapons, spells, women, clothing, carts


    and horses, women, food, potions ...             Best go
well-prepared, up there.

 Lheban:     No problem, partner. Our Temples have ...         
   certain resources, such that if we were


    guaranteed ... sole access, sole knowledge             of
the location, then we could finance


    someone ... someone with the requisite


    skills, such as yourself? Just by             happenstance,
I am Keeper of the Books ...


    you see the opportunity?

 Adventurer: Oh yes! Oh yes! Well -- lets split a             last
bottle, and shake on an agreement?

 Lheban:     Indeed, let us!  We first need information           
 -- who knows about the site up there,


    where it is, how to reach it ...             Why don't we meet
back here in, say, a


    week, to the hour. And see what we can


    learn, meanwhile?

 Raic:       We need to find a merchant, too. Someone            
who can handle it for us ... warehouses,


    distribution ...

 Lheban:     And keep a shut mouth!

 Adventurer: I'll make some inquiries about merchants            
... got a contact or two ... Trouble is


    -- well, you know how these things go --


    few golds here, few there, before you know             it
you've bribed half the town, or so it


    seems. Now, as luck would have it, I don't


    have much -- got swindled by a wretched


    Mage, some town south of here, and lost


    most of my belongings in a shipwreck ...

 Lheban:     Ah Yes!  You need some ... seed money as             it
were.

 Raic:
    (To Lheban)             Let me lift old Stete's
purse, he made a


    lot renting out his sister last week ...

 Lheban:     Thank you, Raic.  Here, about 100 gold             --
enough ?   Adventurer: Oh yes, more than enough for a start,    
        Gentlemen. Good, good, good ... so we


    have a deal?

 Adventurer: Yes! It's agreed. One week!

 (Exit Lheban, Raic dragging Stete) (Exit the Adventurer)
(Enter Epilogue)

 Epilogue:   Ah, things are happening now, I doubt it            
not. Patrons, I request that you recall


    that this is a work of fiction created


    by one of the finest writers of the


    asylum, Frincheps, Archprince of All


    Sumurset. There is no such thing as


    Fools' Ebony. Furthermore, Ebony is not


    mined as the priests have described the


    process. Grasp that please. If you can


    still enjoy the play as a rude work of


    fiction, stay with us for Part the


    Threeth. If you can't, farewell. And


    don't forget to tip the wenches.

 And so endeth Part the Twoth

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